David "Dave" Barry, a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist who publishes in the Miami Herald, started to work as a "professional humorist ever since he discovered that professional humor was a lot easier than working".¹

 

 Dave Barry, born on July 3, 1947 to Presbyterian minister David Barry, grew up in Armonk, New York. In 1965, he graduated from Pleasantville High School where he was "proud to have been elected Class Clown by the Pleasantville High School class of 1965".³ Graduating in 1969, Barry received a bachelor's degree in English from Haverford College, a college located right outside of Philadelphia. Almost immediately Barry got a job working as a reporter at West Chester Daily Local News in West Chester, Pennsylvania. Realizing that many businesspeople do not know how to write correctly, Barry joined the consulting firm Burger Associates, a firm which taught how to correct sentences such as: "enclosed please find the enclosed enclosure^"3. Like many English teachers, he eventually found out that his efforts were hopeless.

 

In 1983, Barry joined The Miami Herald as a columnist. Later that year, Barry released his first book, The Taming of the Screw. In 1988 he won the Pulitzer Prize for commentary. Barry was shocked that people were actually reading his column as newspaper sales were exponentially dropping.

Now, he has written upwards of Thirty books and over a hundred articles.

 

     In his 1999 article, "A Gross National Columnist", Dave Barry describes the attempts of writing an article to non-columnists. Barry describes his daily routine: he wakes up and watches tv, he then reads the paper, talks about the disgusting hygene of the columnists and finally his attempts to find a story around lunchtime- a story about brasserie ads and their possible relation to the trade deficit. Barry makes National Columnists, like him, seem like bums who coincidentally stumble upon an article- especially when he describes their culture of toe-nail clipping and sleeping until 10:15 AM. I would consider the article completely effective in deturring anyone from trying to be a columnist who

has has an "opportunity to make a difference, even though you [the columnist] never actually do" as Barry proposes that you literally have the most lazy and grotesque life.  

     Barry's readers would suggest that Barry and other National Columnists have the  "opportunity to make a difference, even though you [the columnists] never actually do". Barry essentially says to those who want to change jobs to be national columnists, "don't quit your day jobs"- and I would tend to agree. Until the fairly recent internet revolution, the mediums of print and television were the only ways to get ideas out. However, upon the introduction of the internet, any blogger can type his ideas into a pbworks and get his entire class to read it. Being a National Columnist has changed from a once revered position to a lowly one and Barry suggests that change has occured and there is no turning back. 

 

Mars lawyers, dead voters - the beat goes on⁷

 

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     ^'In Dave Barry's 2004 election night article, Dave questions the clarity of the modern voting process. Barry first expresses his uncertainty in that evening's results and how the news stations do not know either, he compares the current election process to that of the infamously inaccurate 2000 election, the lack of accuracy in the current and previous florida election, and finally emphasizes his vote for president Cher. Barry's point is most emphasized when he pokes fun at the systems: the "Magic 8 Ball" predictions, the pac-man game integrated with the polling machine and voting for President Cher. I believe his argument clearly shows that the clarity of the voting process is lacking and definetely needs to be strengthened.

     Dave's problem lies within the reliability of the transfer of information. He emphasizes in all cases that someone cannot understand the information that makes the decisions in our country- a major problem. I totally agree there needs to be informational reform in this country such that the everyday man can have a voice in this democracy. The problem goes so deep that not even the news-people understand what is going on the night of the election.  Yet, however, "the beat goes on" and this problem is highly disregarded. For all we know, Florida could have elected Al Gore and the 2000 election could have been wrong. Yet, due to inconvenient and unusable polling America suffers greatly. Furthermore, the "Magic 8 Ball" press seem to always have a problem understanding what is actually going on- and I'm not talking about bias. For instance almost EVERY SINGLE NEWS STATION immediately reported the Supreme Court's decision on the Obamacare bill incorrectly. This needs to stop. News providers need to stop being like columnists,(lazy; reference previous article) and get correct information about what you are reporting on. 

 

Bleach-blanked bingo⁹

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     In his alliterative 2002 article Bleach-blanked bingo, Dave Barry uses satire to describe the extreme laziness of men when it comes to laundry. Barry begins by introducing the irony that man can fix an u-boat with only a stapler yet can't handle the variables of the washing machine- the variables being man's problem with laundry of course- then introduces how a man can somehow manipulate his spouse on cleaning (through buying underwear, a tactic so genius he compares it to Einstein), next how Men should be attentive to clearing their pockets before the other spouse gets a hold of their garments, and finally how to not to shoot your washing machine (hint, be away from buildings). Barry's argument really "strikes a chord" with his reader when he mentions how this too happens to government employees and how they shouldn't let their keys, like taxpayer money, fall through their "cracks" (hint, the keys were in his underwear). I would call Barry's argument effective in completely humiliating men when it comes to laundry: he believes that we should be a dignified gender that can do the same thing that women can do (except, not in high heels).

     Do I publicly agree that when it comes to laundry, men will make excuses and do anything to prevent them from doing their laundry? Absolutely. Great example: my bedroom floor during the weekend. Whenever my mom comes upstairs and asks me to clean up my clothes and wash them, I make up an excuse about having four AP courses and too much homework and too little time. Usually, my laundry gets done only after she pulls three or four teeth. Barry also talked about taxes misuse. Here's an example about tax-payer money and government employees: IRS Uses $60,000 of Taxpayer Money  to Make Star Trek Parody. Since it exists and obviously in poor taste, I agree with him.

 

 

Dave Barry on man-vs.-snake Everglades smackdown¹¹

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In his January 2013 opinion column, Dave Barry explores the lengths of government and human insanity to capture the Burmese Python. First, Barry acknowledges the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission's crazy "Python Challenge", next he explains the purpose of the challenge is to "raise awareness" of the python by seeing who can kill the most or the largest, then he explains how the killing must be "ethical", next Barry comments they do not say how to capture the snakes in the first place, so he mentions his own methods, then Barry includes how to treat the pythons after they die and finally how he believes "nothing can go wrong". Barry enunciates his point with each new segment of his commentary: who wants to kill pythons that are as large as a war canoe; a "$500 prize for whoever kills the python with the best personality; you cannot kill your python by forcing him to watch Here Comes Honey Boo Boo; Dave's 5-step plan to capture snakes; websites that promise to tan your Burmese python skin into "whatever you want"; and finally how amazing Florida is at counting things (see second article). Barry is extremely effective when enunciating how crazy the contest is multiple times- initially, the contest seems somewhat crazy, but by the end of the article, the contest seems ludicrous.

           I honestly believe that this is my favorite Barry article out of the four I have read so far. Dave's sarcasm and expressiveness in the article shines through and really makes me laugh out loud. I totally agree with his position that the article, and find it as another example of brilliant marketing. I completely fooled you there right? Good marketing? Absolutely. As someone who has his own marketing business (started last summer- called Social-Standing) I believe the Wildlife Conservation Commission targeted its audience perfectly. Since the government cannot kill pythons accurately with drones, they decided to go with volunteer commitment- perfect for the Florida Everglades. The cheap labor (killing the pythons) that red-necks provide would substantially help the ecology of the area and for the hundreds of those who turn out, the government only has to pay $2500. Yes, I agree, the contest is ridiculous, but the contest is just ridiculous enough for redneck fanatics to chase after it. This is one thing (unlike the previous article) that government workers have done fantastically. 

 

In his 2012 Olympics commentary, Dave Barry expresses his view on the Olympic sport: rhythmic gymnastics. First he describes the sport, then what type of people attend it, the rules, and finally the American view of it and how it should be glorified. Barry's point is emphasized when he describes the rules- lengthy and unnecessary- as a reflection of the sport itself. His argument is effective in describing the American view of the Olympics- by using satire he shows why Americans hate these types of sports and in essence why they should not be added.

     Once again I must agree with Barry, but more as a qualifier. I believe this to a greater extent than Barry. In the Olympics, where I must admit, America continues to dominate, we need to stop adding these lackluster sports. Last time it was curling and now this? Yet, one of the largest growing, international, non-eurocentric sports, lacrosse, keeps being put off. Whereas, according to Google, a sport is "an activity involving physical exertion and skill in which an individual or team competes against another or others", lacrosse pushes the limit of physical exertion, while sports like rhythmic gymnastics seem to be a tip of the hat to contortionists. Similarly, with curling, you have a bunch of guys sweeping the floor on ice skates trying to get a rock to land in a target. I mean, I can recognize the skill portion in those, but the physical exertion is clearly lacking. Lacrosse needs to be added and these boring eurocentric unheard of sports need to be cut!

 

Safe on the slopes¹⁵

 

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     In his timeless 1997 article, Dave Barry subtly displays his dislike of skiing. Barry stresses the danger of skiing and how to overcome it, then tells an anecdote of how he feels skiing came to be, then finally tells another story of a beginner skier getting into an accident. Barry makes his point clear only at the end when after the skier crashes into the lodge he says "the real winners pick themselves up". I think his point is somewhat hidden within his story- perhaps its about skiing, perhaps its about picking oneself up, or both.

     I certainly agree that skiing is a dangerous sport, but not for the heights of the slopes. While for a beginner, skiing can be intimidating, going into a "ski school" like Barry mentioned could be a potentially harmful thing. The first day I was skiing, my father, a longtime skier, told me to go straight down the slope. I did harmlessly and as the first of my class to get down, was scolded by the instructor. The instructor instructed that I must do "pizza and french fries"- positions referring to the position of my legs. Seeing the dispute, my father took me out of ski school because they were clearly not teaching the right thing. Furthermore, since the wide use of helmets since the death of Sonny Bono (see second article), skiing is relatively safe.  I will agree to the "real winners pick themselves up" part. While this can apply to business and other life things, I'll stick to the skiing analogy. For instance, one of my friends who claimed to be a "black diamond skier" (he meant green circle/ beginner) said he could handle the entire mountain. So, we took him up on a blue (intermediate). He got afraid and rode down the slope on his bum. My other friend, on the other hand, while not a great skier, does pick himself up after a fall and is much more respectable after doing so. 

A fun-free Halloween¹⁷

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    In his October 2002 article, Dave Barry expresses his views about the newer restrictions on danger and fun that existed in the good old days. First, Barry describes the danger and fun they had in the good ol' days, then he explains how the internet has lead parents to prevent their children from having fun, and finally he explains the only fun and safe activity is carving pumpkins. Barry makes his point particularly lucid when he includes a list of government recommended things that for kids to do during Halloween (see commentary). I think his argument was fairly effective: it provides good facts that support the fact that there is a tighter leash on my generation. 

     As said in the precis, I feel that the argument reached an apex when Barry summarized the the government recommended Halloween restrictions:

"1. Never allow your children outside on Halloween night.

2. Or in the daytime, either.

3. Your children should spend Halloween locked inside a windowless room, sedated and wrapped from head to toe in reflective tape.

4. If, God forbid, some neighbor, somehow, manages to actually give one of your children a treat, you must immediately snatch it away and destroy it with a flamethrower.

5. Never use a flamethrower while sleeping."

     

     I totally agree the restrictions on my generation are way stricter than the previous but disagree that it is due to increased ability to communicate. The restrictions on my generation have substantially increased, in my opinion, due to the mentality of the parental generation. Firstly, my generation has many more restrictions on them because now its more difficult to become successful. This includes the increase of difficulty in "good" college admission as well as outsourcing.  Since it is the mentality of this parental generation to promote the success of their child as much as possible, the increased difficulty has resulted in more restrictions. Communication has increased to, but the main problem still lies with the success. For example: Children not allowed to post "fun" and "crazy" statuses on Facebook because colleges or employers may see them. The colleges and employers are not more difficult because of communication, the colleges and employers require higher standards than in the past. 

Dave Barry: Exploring human life through the eyes of a cockroach¹⁹

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     In his 2012 London-based article, Dave Barry compares the point of view of the younger generation to that of cockroaches. First, Barry explains basic activity he did with his daughter at the London Science Museum, then he explains how at multiple points the cockroaches (those on the tour) scolded the humans with scientific/liberal bias, finally he explains his daughter jokingly googles herself up for adoption. Barry makes his point when, at the end, his daughter tries to abandon him like the cockroaches tried to abandon the human race. I would not call his argument effective; it was hard to decipher. 

     While its interesting to see humans as disgusting is an interesting perspective, I see it relative to America solely. I believe that the American culture is to promote the excess and therefore is disgusting. Like the cockroaches, disgusted by how much the humans wasted, America is a hugely wasteful country. Do I want it to change? for capitalistic reasons no. America is the best consumer and their excessive consumerism is what keeps America important as we have lost our innovational properties. 

 

     In another of his summer 2012 articles, Barry describes his experience with celebrities. First Barry summarizes a tour with Kellogg's characters along with Summer Sanders, then he talks about a party his wife wanted to observe because she thought she might see "David Beckham, Brad Pitt, David Beckham, Brad Pitt and David Beckham" (in order of preference). Barry's point is elucidated once can connect both cases: celebrities are isolated and hard to actually communicate with. He makes his point hard to find within the article so his point is hard to understand. 

     In my opinion, There's a reason why cartoon characters aren't supposed to speak and there's a reason why you aren't supposed to be able to see Pitt or Beckham: it would be chaotic. Barry really doesn't complain about it too much, but it very well could be assumed because he expresses dismay about his day being wasted. I feel both he and his wife had impractical.

 

Themes:

Human Failure:

As humans, we all fail. Barry throughout his columns emphasizes the ideas that we all lack somewhere. Barry is lazy, communication skills are not great, men can not do laundry, Florida makes great horrible contests, Olympics need more manly sports, skiing is for lunatics who want to make money, humans are over controlling, humans are wasteful, Britain cannot prepare for the Olympics, and celebrities can not talk to us. This emphasis is the key to comedy so its an obvious necessity in his articles. Remember, its our imperfections that make us stand out and most of the time, its because cockroaches cannot understand why its American to be wasteful.

 

Fun.:

There's too many restrictions, everyone should chill! That is Dave Barry's philosophy.  Essentially this is the aspect that encompasses the first article as well as the halloween article. If we do not chill, we cannot have fun. Conversely if we have fun, its because the restrictions are not enough and totally crazy. This is the case with the laundry and the alligator contest article. Interestingly the only article that diverges from this is the cockroach article in which his daughter does not have fun. My analysis says she does not have fun because it is because she is at a museum with her embarrassing father. 

 

Change:

Barry also writes on the topic of change. He believes that change is only good if it's an improvement to the current situation. For instance in the Halloween, the Olympics and the national columnist articles, he condemns the change of society's restrictions, addition of boring sports, and changing jobs. Also, he condemns change if the change is not implemented correctly. For instance, he condemned the python contest because he believed that there were less rediculous ways to eliminate the python. 

 

 

Works Cited:

1.       Barry, David. "Dave Barry, humor columnist and author of Insane City." Dave Barry, humor columnist and author of Insane City. http://www.davebarry.com/dave-barry.php (accessed March 1, 2013).
2.       Amazur. Dave-barry-post-hunt-2011.jpg. Wikimedia. Accessed 5 Mar. 2013. <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Dave-barry-post-hunt-2011.jpg> 
3.       http://www.davebarry.com/dave-barry-other-bio.php
4.       http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dave_Barry
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6.       http://www.miamiherald.com/2012/12/29/3160638/dave-barrys-year-in-review.html
7.       http://www.miamiherald.com/2004/11/03/3082823/mars-lawyers-dead-voters-beat.html
8.       http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/a/a8/Sonny_%26_cher_45.jpg/220px-Sonny_%26_cher_45.jpg
9.       http://www.miamiherald.com/2013/03/04/468282/bleached-blanked-bingo.html
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11.   http://www.miamiherald.com/2013/01/12/3179250_p2/dave-barry-on-man-vs-snake-everglades.html
12.   http://www.nps.gov/ever/images/20080512122259.JPG
13.   http://www.miamiherald.com/2012/08/12/2946514/dave-barry-it-is-time-for-the.html
14.   http://media.miamiherald.com/smedia/2012/08/11/13/43/Q4X0W.Em.56.jpeg
15.   http://www.miamiherald.com/2012/12/10/348061/safe-on-the-slopes.html
16.   http://tech4globe.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/helmet-camera4.jpg
17.   http://www.miamiherald.com/2009/10/25/1278772/a-fun-free-halloween.html
18.   http://www.whitegadget.com/attachments/pc-wallpapers/75096d1315372894-halloween-halloween-photos.jpg
19.   http://www.miamiherald.com/2012/08/07/2935501/dave-barry-exploring-human-life.html
20.   http://cache.gizmodo.com/assets/images/8/2009/08/cockroach-3.jpg
21.   http://www.miamiherald.com/2012/07/28/2915484/dave-barry-opening-ceremonies.html
22.   http://i2.cdnds.net/12/05/618x504/us_mitt_romney.jpg
23.   http://www.miamiherald.com/2012/07/27/2913895/tour-of-london-features-a-bunch.html
24.   http://media.miamiherald.com/smedia/2012/07/26/14/37/1jpWB9.St.56.JPG